Written by Dodi…

Written by Dodi Bansal in Marutfans group

                           The middle life crisis which should have occurred to us in about 1976 finally took place in 2012 , with me at 70 , Sarita minus five . The prop required for mid life crisis is peace in life . If peace is there , the eyes and heart do the dirty on you .The Stn Cdrs in cahoots with their Adjutants ensured lack of peace , what with superfluous court of inquiries and  board of officers . Every officer was seen carrying a file or two of these . In Jodh it almost became a part of your Uniform . Cause : The admin must run efficiently and smoothly . I never understood as to how the admin was running efficiently for all the years since the AF came up in1930 . How come no C of I’s or BOO’s under Timki Brar ? And suddenly T/D fad started . All for our good though . Make good offr’s out of us . Poor pay packet ensured that Sarita was all the time running around only to make both ends meet .

                            Post retirement it took some more years to dispose off the kids , clear off all debts and settle down in a house made by AFNHB and paid for by dad . Dr Manmohan Singh’s Gourmint started paying pension four times the pay that I was drawing at the time of ret . Sarita , who all these years was trying to make ends meet had now overlapping ends .Suddenly there was peace aplenty . The mid life crisis started this year when Sarita caught me eyeing our well endowed maid servant with appreciative glances from her in the form of a glad eye . I tried to explain that now a days no good maid servant would work for us unless she gets an eye over on a regular basis , what with the pittance that we pay them . But then there would’nt have been a crisis if she had understood . Soon I was informed about my faults . I never knew I had so many faults which of cource is to good purpose . I had not taken up any job post ret , so the keen eyes had observed a lots of faults in the other party . They were all enumerated to her in detail .
                           All the skeletons came tumbling out of cupboards . Skeletons  are no problems now a days what with Baba Ramdev’s ayurvedic factories so heavily dependent on them . Search for good lawyers started . For old times sake , one evening , when both of us were wining at the Golf club , Sarita suggested some possible medical help . Now our service doctors , who had kept us in the pink of health even in such adverse areas like mosquito infested Assam and Bengal and scorpion infested Kutch and Rajsthan were no good in the matters of heart . The same lot had joined ECHS clinics . So nothing could be expected from that quarter . Post dining , idea was dropped . Next morning while we were rifling through the news papers , a pamphlet fell out . It was on a cheap paper , ten thousand copies for Rs seven type , printing cost included . Bold heading mentioned  BABA  NOOR  ALAM  JI –  Tantrik . Now these tantriks , jotshies and sufi saints are famous for their super natural powers. Badshah Akbar went to one in Ajmer . He got a son . I asked a gyneae friend of mine to throw some light on this phenomenon . Aww ! Merely a case of shortage of sperm count in the Badshah . Nothing which could not be cured with a spot of steroids by any quack . Poor Jodha Bai must have got blamed for this . You men are all the same . Before she could call me a male c pig , I quietly slipped out as soon as the next female patient entered . That sufi saint could’nt be a quack if he knew about steroids in the 16th century .
                           You will come crying but go back laughing , said the pamphlet . I can cut anybodys do . Nobody can cut mine. Love marriage : not relevant to us . Fights between spouses : yes ! Influence of other woman : yes for Sarita , no for me . Beaulad : no , we got a daughter . A son : no for both of us . What the sons in collusion with their pretty wives do to his parents is well documented . Problems in foreign travel : Might be. Baqir is planning a K / C sqn do in Seychelles in 2013 . Passing in exams : no longer valid . Failed in all exams while in service . Financial difficulties : yes and no . Pension amount has shot through the roof but I can ask Baba to do something about Bambai stock exchange which ate up all my post ret benefits . Timing : 10 am to 6 pm , daily . Dadri road , Nithari , near red light . Sarita wanted to have nothing to do with red light but I told her that what he means is traffic light . Fees : Rs 151 . Bring two nimboos and a packet of agar battie .
                            Next morning at 10 we entered a narrow lane which took us to to his shack on the first floor . A seedy looking man collected 151 bucks, nimboos and agarbatties and ushered us in . Inside was nearly pitch dark . Sarita asked why it was so dark . There were elect fittings . I told her that what with 20 hours power cut in UP these elect fittings are ornamental . There was smoke all around . Baba was sitting on a low dias with wood fire in front . Bearded and with 6( L) rum type of red eyes , he looked impressive . He called us bachhas and made us sit on the tat in front of the fire . Dried bones were observed in one corner . He threw something in the fire which could only be chillies because soon tears were rolling down our cheeks . Stage set , he asked us about our woes . Sarita narrated the maid problem . More chillies were thrown in , more tears . I knew that maid had it . Aulad ? Not required. Got a daughter . What about a son ? Who will do the fire works when you cop it . I explained that we have been well looked after by mil docs for the last 43 years. Now they have opened an Armed forces med college in Delhi . We have pledged our bodies to this college for their studies .  We want them to see as to what they have done to our innards. Son is out . We have a grand daughter . When I make the slightest mistake , she laughs for two days . If I produce a son at 72 , she will laugh for the next 20 years . No sir ! Son is definitely out . Akbar Badshah needed one for ascendency purposes . We had no such problems . Tough fella . Might have had a count or two short but walked all the way from Delhi to Ajmer via Jaipur bare footed . Got a son . Any financial worries ? I requested him to throw some extra chillies in the fire to take care of Bombay Stock Exchange for making a fool of me which he duly did .
                            A nimboo was cut and squeezed on the fire . We were escorted out . At 1pm the maid came to do the chores . She informed that her mother had fallen ill in north 24 parganas , WB . She will be leaving for Kol the next day . A not so good looking replacement was provided by her to everybody’s satisfaction . A slew of measures were announced by Dr Manmohan Singh by which BSE mein uchal aa gaya . The share certificates which I had pasted on the west facing window panes to keep the sun out were put back into files . All marital problems solved in a jiffy .
                            Love !               Dodi
                          Carl G ! That soliciter of yours who cheated you out of your legit property in London . If not already sorted out , just send Rs 151 or equalent in $ along with two lemons and a packet of incense sticks . That crook would’nt know what hit him .

One Response to Written by Dodi…

  1. Deepak says:

    Fantastic Post!!!! Thank you, sir!

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