Sam Sekhar’s Kahanis from the Marut Handi – XIII – A

Personal QFI

The celebrities of to-day love their FANS for their devotion and the quantum of money they generate for their craft and products. The celebrities love to be seen from a long distance, like on the stage/screen/TV and they draw the line for the close proximity of contact. In this context they resort to

Personal Trainer

Personal Doctor

Personal Private Jet

Personal Tailor.

Personal Gym.

Personal Villa.

The list is endless.

This is the Kahani of Flt.Lt./Fg Offr.PABX.

The sanity of the Marut Community was sustained with once a week entertainment at the open air theatre. The person who had the vision and did build the theatre saved many a soul. In the sixties there were no gadgets to watch the world in the palm of your hand. The officer-in-Charge of the theatre brought forth one English/one hindi/one other language film to be screened once a week and peace and tranquility prevailed through out the land.

The last six rows were enclosed and at a different height for the exclusive use of the officer Sahibs. The brilliant Bar Member of the officers Mess had a small portable Mini Bar installed on English Movie days and all officers treated this officer with CULT Privilege STATUS.

In the Seventies a movie by the name “A Touch Of Class” was screened. The main actors were George Segal and Glenda Jackson and it was a romantic comedy about a pair of clandestine lovers in a London-Spain Tryst. They had one week to get lucky and every time George Segal approached the Starters Block his back would give way and he would be in agony of the physical/emotional/frustrated kind.

The joke that floated around if any of the married officers even hinted at the slightest of back pain was roll the eyeballs and get a wicked smile/grin and the insinuation was obvious.

True to Murphy’s Law the Boss of this training squadron was sick in quarters for two weeks. Spy sorties were mounted in the form of well wishers doing the calling-on/sympathizing visits. One eagle eye spotted the Boss in a “L” Square pose like in the wooden ruler/scale used by the Architects. The joke went viral in Jodhpur that the Boss had the “Touch of Class” malady.

The Boss soon recovered and as he entered the Met Briefing Hall, all officers gave him the look with their eyes saying it all. No words were ever uttered and yet there was a joke in the air. Having not flown for a couple of weeks, the Boss gets a Marut down to the clean configuration and gets airborne. He proceeds to beat up the Airfield and for the FINALE he does two leaves of a downward clover followed by one leaf of an upward clover and pulls up into a wing over and lands. The junior U/T CON Pilots are confused by the antics and one Pilot says ”Man He Kept Loosing Direction in all his Loops.”

The Boss lands and after completing the post flight formalities takes out his comb with Three Teeth and pats down his MANE into position. He decides he is having a Good Hair Day of what is on his pate. With a typical Fighter Pilot swagger he makes it to his office and checks the progress of flying done during his absence. He realizes that he has missed out on 30 plus hours of personal aviation. He does some more scrutiny and realizes that Flt.Lt/Fg Offr.PABX (U/T Conversion Pilot) has not flown a single trip during his absence. He screams for his Adjutant/2nd Q.F.I. on the TOTEM POLE to get down to his office Pronto.

Bobcat arrives in due course of time and is asked “What in Sam Hill is delaying the progress of Flt.Lt/Fg.Offr. PABX’S Conversion training?” Bobcat without using any training aids quotes  verbatim from memory the weekly antics of Flt.Lt./Fg.Offr.PABX.

Monday         Family Sick Report.

Tuesday         Visit to the  M.H. for SPECIALIST CHECK UP.

Wednesday   T.C.P.R.D.A.F.D.M.

Thursday       T.C.P.R.D.A.F.D.M.

Friday             T.C.P.R.D.A.F.D.M.

Saturday         T.C.P.R.D.A.F.D.M.

Sunday            The Lord rested.

The BOSS whom we all suspected had some German Blood in him has now turned from Lilly White to Beet Root Red asks Bobcat what the ACRONYM means.

Bobcat tells him that from Wednesday to Saturday the officer is provided with a brand new FAC jeep with no canvas top and the front wind shield laid out flat on the bonnet. The jeep has a loud speaker system and an MTD. Flt.Lt./Fg.Offr. PABX resplendent in a powder blue terri cotton flying suit with a Bull and Dagger patch and shining flying boots and no head gear sits on the left front seat of the jeep. From 0900 Hours to 1800 Hours this jeep makes the rounds through the gullies/roads/alleys of Jodhpur. The officer announces the following on the loud speaker as he moves along in Hindi.

“Brothers and Sisters.

Girls and Boys.

Open your ears and tune in.

Come one, Come All

Try your hand at games of luck and skill

Enjoy the rides.

Enjoy the food.

Fish for Beer.

Pick your lucky Rum Card.

Win at Tambola.

Watch the aerobatics of the Marut Aircraft with me the Ace Pilot at the controls.

Don’t miss the chance of a life time this Sunday on APRIL FIRST.”

The ACRONYM by the way SIR is

TOWN CRIER PUBLIC RELATIONS DUTY AIR FORCE DAY MELA.

The BOSS by this time is clouding up the office with the smoke bellowing out of his ears and asks

“WHO THE BUCK AUTHORISED THE OFFICER FOR THIS DUTY”

Bobcat answers “MEAN SINGH”

The BOSS takes many deep breaths and prevents a Cardiac Arrest and asks BOBCAT to leave the office.

A few hours later BOBCAT is called back and the BOSS has got his breath and white color back.

The BOSS makes his orders clear.

This Sunday is the Air Force Day Mela.

Bobcat you are now the Personal Q.F.I. of Flt.Lt./Fg.Offr.PABX.

It is your mission in life to complete his conversion training on top priority.

Please inform the officer he is DAGGER property from 02 April.

MEAN SINGH will release him on 01 APRIL at SUNDOWN.

Any questions?

Bobcat tells him that he would require the use of his car/jeep on a need to basis and a STR 9X (Mobile Radio) at all times.

The BOSS agrees.

The Air Force Day MELA is in full swing and Bobcat corners  PABX and informs him the Met Briefing is the next day at 0530 Hours. PABX smiles and says okay knowing it is Family Sick Parade day.

The next morning at 0430 hours there is a knock on PABX’s door. He opens it and finds Bobcat with the BOSSMAN’S Ambassodor car. PABX says he is taking his wife for sick report. Bobcat informs him “Compliments of the BOSS the car is for the use of his wife”.

PABX gets ready and says the wife is feeling better.

PABX starts his Lambretta Scooter and Bobcat follows suit in the Car.

PABX is wearing Flt.Lt. rank badges. On turning the first corner he does a ritual of “Changin on The Fly”. At the Met Briefing Hall PABX is wearing Fg.Offr. rank badges.

In those years there was an exam called “PART- B”. You had to pass this exam after five years service. The Air Force did a snap check one day and discovered that many an officer had failed to do so and so in one signal reduced many an officer from acting Flt.Lt. to Substantive Fg.Offr. PABX was one such victim. He realized that this small anamoly was not to be informed to the better half. So he was Ghar Me Sher(Flt.Lt.) Raste pe Fg.Offr.

To be Continued………

© Copyright Sam Sekhar and Marutfans. All rights reserved. Reproduction or distribution of this article in any form without the express written permission of the author is prohibited.


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